Pages 427 and 428
Hello gang,
Milla is mean and easily irritated, I know. So I hope tinkers can defeat the chicken. Where do you think is Shin? What is going to happen with him? He got a black seed!
Thanks to all of you who have been signing up in the mailing list. Once I finished designing the concept art book, I will show you the preview first than anybody else! On the other hand, if everything goes well. Tinkers are gonna finish in the middle of March and then I will add some new pages and make some tweaks in the art and dialogues. Also I’m gonna make the cover and print the book! More news about this you will get them in your inbox if you subscribe to the mailing list for those who haven’t done it yet.
A week ago someone (Greensister) in DeviantArt asked me if Fly (the cannibal) is coming back. And I answered:
Fly is gonna appear later interacting with Milla but not in this arc of the story. Fly is a valuable character to me ‘cos he’s spontaneous and random. However, sometimes I believe that I like him because of his mystery and absence and is better keep him that way. Let’s see to where he’s taking us, tho.
But no worries! Some adventures are awaiting for Fly. I just hope I can be able to live doing Tinkers so I can draw more of their adventures.
Thanks for reading.
Raúl
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4 Comments
Second page, last panel, first balloon: “I’m almost sure they DON’T.”
Apart from that, it should be interesting to see where King Queer goes from here, and it should be interesting to see Fly again!
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Page 1, panel 3: “in my brake time” should be “in my _break_ time”
Page 1, panel 4: “Let the angry make you talk” should be “Let the _anger_ make you talk”
Page 2, panel 1: “Are you fine?” is grammatically correct, but it is not usually said. More typical phrases are the less formal “Are you OK?” or “Are you all right?” or the formal and old-fashioned “Are you well?”
Page 2, panel 2: “The wastelands are taking a new route.” is as above, grammatically correct, but not typical usage. Some phrasings that sound better to native English speakers are “The way of the wastelands is changing.” or “The wastelands follow a new path.”
Page 2, panel 2: “Save them of what?” should be “Save them from what?”
Page 2, panel 3: “They who was living” should be “They who were living”
Page 2, panel 4: “A turn of life” would normally be expressed in English as “One of life’s twists and turns.” To make it fit in the same space, you could say “A quirk of life” http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/quirk?s=t
Page 2, “Do you know if the chickens have sense of smell?” should be “Do you know if the chickens have _a_ sense of smell?” It could also be phrased “Do you know if the chickens can smell?”
Of course, bad grammar has its place in fictional dialogue. It can show a lack of education, non-native speaking, eccentricity, or rebelliousness. The tricky part is knowing the rules well enough to know how to break them properly.
Hope this helps!
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Raul Trevino Reply:
March 16th, 2013 at 11:50 pm
Wow, thank you so much Nathan, for this long and detailed feedback. Much appreciated it. Now you can click refresh and watch the new pages. Cheers!
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Raul Trevino Reply:
February 6th, 2013 at 10:55 pm
Great, I fixed it as well.
Yeah, let’s see where King Queer is talking us. Shin’s revenge? Who knows!
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